It has been exactly one year since the anniversary of a pretty awful car accident that occurred before my winter break last year and a pretty remarkable event happened today to mark that one year anniversary. Quite a journey it has been. So many lessons have been learned. Nothing held back. All dreams gone after without hesitation. A renewed sense of urgency but also realization of time's fleeting nature.
I found it only appropriate that today I write a letter to myself.
Dear Self,
It has been a journey to say the least. I’m proud of you for waking up each and every day since December 20th last year with a feeling that little things matter. That every day as long as we are here has the potential to be a beautiful one-and you know what-it has. The focused attention on the positive and beautiful and the recognizing of the beauty in the world has led me to believe that despite the hardships humanity is inherently wonderful.
There are acts of kindness every day and treasures can be found within the most hidden and unlikely and ordinary places. Not that my eyes haven’t been opened before, but this year, I have lived life with the greatest clarity. And this in itself-is the gift I have been given. And I am forever grateful. 2019, despite the odd number, has been one of, if not the most profound years of my life.
So when I woke up this morning, I would be a bit remiss of\i I wasn’t to share that there wasn’t as much pep in my step. Much hesitation was apparent in my steps as I trudged out the door and forced myself to smile which I hope would override the pit in the feeling of my stomach that I could have died a year ago to date. But I didn’t. I turned on a Christmas station and hoped that the music would drown my worries as a drove extra carefully looking at every vehicle around me. I never would have guessed that as I was at a stop, waiting to merge onto 28 that, out of the corner of my eyes, I would see a huge black pick up truck barreling in my rearview mirror, suddenly spin across two lanes, crash into the cement barrier right across from my merge point, sparks flying and flip over twice. It was as if I was watching a horror movie. I have never seen a crash like that in such slow motion. It felt as if the rolling and the motion of the truck would never end. But it did. I tried to get a grip, turned on my hazards, placed my car into park and then watched as another car crashed into the first and a third swerved and missed just by a few inches.
I saw no one get out of the truck, but I did make a call to the authorities and then put my car into drive before the traffic really began to get backed up. I said a little prayer for that person in the truck and thought to myself-I know exactly how that person feels and will feel afterwards. And whatever the reason for the accident being-I hope he/she ended up okay.
When I explained this story to the people at my workplace, they looked at me with this notion of concern and used the word “eerie” and “horrific” and the question: “what are you going to do?” I didn’t find it eerie necessarily but just filled with shock that while relieving my own accident in my own mind, I would simultaneously be watching someone go through an even more dangerous accident, play by play. But then we are always looking for signs and I believe this was my sign. A sign that despite the fact that accidents happen and continue to happen every day, I was meant to see that accident today for some reason. Perhaps the reason being that I should continue my 365 days of whimsy into next year or a reminder of how far I have come or perhaps a visual of renewed hope in “what could have been.”
I made my way to school and enjoyed a day full of magic and laughter and pure excitement from every one of my students. And as we spent the last three minutes of class going around for what we are thankful for, my students whispered, “life” and “family” “friends” and “teachers” and my very last student whispered, “I’m just thankful to be here.” Little signs we receive throughout our life-some we miss-some we recognize. And the amount of signs I received today about the importance of life itself-well-even the most oblivious person would have a difficult time missing them. As I close out today, I want to thank every individual in my life who has helped me on this journey of whimsy, has encouraged me to keep going and most importantly who has provided a daily reminder of what is truly important: Not just faith in ourselves, but the ability to pass on faith to others is life’s greatest gift.
