After staying up way past my bedtime on Wednesday to pivot to online teaching for Thursday, I felt that familiar dread of teaching online. I think it brought me back to those long months when we initially shut down, and I felt every emotion in the book but longed to see the class that I had left (physically) without really saying goodbye. 

It's hard to believe it is already two years later and yet those feeling still remain when I hear the words "virtual learning day" and my heart sinks. I think part of me worries that somehow, in some twist of fate, this is where we will land again (stuck virtually forever.)

But I must say, despite lack of sleep this week (major lack of sleep) and worrying about how it would all go, I end the week with a lighter heart and a smile on my face. I guess I never realized how much I missed seeing student faces all day long. It's a strange thing to think about but often the words we say to eachother in class don't connect as deeply as I think they would if we were without masks. Naturally, I'm a proponent of wearing masks for student health and safety, but after these two days I wish with all my heart that someday we will arrive at school and be able to feel deeply with our faces. 

So much of human emotion occurs on the face. Though the eyes certainly carry a weight to them, without the rest of the face, that connection is still difficult. Your face also creates more empathetic words and powerful love and kindness connections. Online was exhausting and difficult but I just adored seeing the kittens, the pets, the students showing me the snow outside (as if I was not seeing outside my own window) and giving the students a small tour of my humble humble abode. 

I've missed

those smiles when a student makes a joke

the smiles when a student makes a mistake

the expressions that tell me whether a student is confused or eager or excited or worried or joyful

The power within the words when a student gives a compiment but can also SEE the student's reaction to that compliment

I agree that there are many things in our world that were not "better before" and we shouldn't pretend they are! However, I stand by the fact that a human's face creates a magic we cannot replace. These past two days were a reminder that whimsy and magic are found in the most unlikley places. All we have to do- is listen. 

Sending love to my 3A butterflies this year. The lessons I have learned this year are far more complex and important than I would say any other year in teaching. For that, I should be grateful. Because when lessons are learned, our souls are growing and blossoming too (though sometimes it feels otherwise.)