Dear Self, 

Well the beginning chapters of 2022 have been undeniably tough. I've always enjoyed even numbers and the days that have passed make it feel like "odd" more than "even." The fortune cookie I received four months ago certainly rings true "you will overcome many obstacles." Though truthfully, I think that fortune cookie could/should be changed to "your obstacles may slice your heart but truth always seeps through." Truth never reveals itself, never becomes so very present until your heart is sliced open for all to see. And then sometimes those truths open doors into possibilities you know could be possible. Dreams you have been putting on the back-burner due to doubt. But sometimes heart slices release doubt and only truth is really left on that table. That release of doubt stings because truth becomes so heavy. But that truth is also very freeing. Heavy but freeing. How very paradoxical. 

I've been looking through inspirational quotes which generally happens when my own self-reflection becomes so heavy that someone else's reflection and words creates a lighter mood. And today I ran across a quote which, arguably, could be my favorite of all time. It reads.

“We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives.”

There is so much to unpack here. The words of Toni Morrison are raw. Vulnerable. Speak truth. I don't just read this as language in terms of words. Language is so much more. How you carry yourself, unspoken language of your smile, your eyes, where you choose to say your words, words you choose to listen to, how your body chooses to move with the power of those words. What words you allow to pass by and what words you allow to move you and shape your heart. 

For those who know me, I've always been a sucker for words. Words for me are like wine for others. I have no clue what will happen in the coming months. And that creates anxiety. But what I do know is that I don't regret "doing language." Because how we choose to do language is who we are and who we are becoming. It is in the most uncomfortable moments where we know that we are doing language right. 

I'll look back someday and realize that this was a very pivotal year in my life. I was no longer arriving at who I was but I was who I was. I wanted to do language. And do it right. And I trust that I'm arriving at something different. Something better. Somewhere where I am able to do language freely.

Keep going. 

Sincerely, 

Me