handwritten on August 7, 2020
I've been writing and rewriting the lettert to my parents this year which- If I am being honest is more a letter to myself or rather a letter to all of us. The more I think about the letter, the more I think about the ocean and the way it seems to swallow the world. But then the more I think about this letter, the more I think about this ocean and how it flows with such energy and sometimes a sincere calming spirit. To look out into the ocean is to see vastness but awe. As a kid, I was always in awe of the fact that I could stand looking at the ocean for hours and never see where it ended. I would squint my eyes and look ahead hoping to go beyond the end that I could not see. But how...
handwritten on July 29, 2020
In staying grounded, I have had to force myself to hit the pavement more frequently than usual. By running, my running thoughts actually take a breather and thus clarity does continue. Today I was reflecting upon the missing ingredient that is missing from online learning (besides the obvious in-person and authentic social interaction.) Having the opportunity to have taught in-person classes and live-teaching online, I have felt in my heart that something has been not quite right, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it until today. You can still create whilst instructing online. Creativity can still occur. You can still laugh and heal with your positivity. You can push forward or move...
handwritten on July 8, 2020
Ironically in the midst of writing in a journal entitled "365 Miles of Clarity" Seeing 20/20 and also driving to get new "glasses," I passed by (as I was driving) this beautiful mural of what looked to be cotton candy trees. Essentially, trees of rainbow colors. I've been particularly drawn to murals (more than usual) as well as painting bottles and fences and literally anything I can get my hands on these days. To me-painting has become the ability to reassess the world and my role in it. How can I evaluate (again) and change myself and my actions to be better. To do better. To find myself on a continuum of improvement.
I've always loved painting but I'm drawn to colors more. Perhaps it's...
handwritten on July 6, 2020
I do hope that during this time of uncertainty and longing for people you remember the times you said the following:
Goodness..."I really need a break from work"
"I need a break from talking to that person"
"I just need a change from reality"
"I just wish I had a moment where time would stop"
"It would be nice to just change things up a bit"
I look back a little, and I do laugh at the phrases I've heard or said myself over the past few years. And now all of those phrases I have heard repeated time and time again bring with it such a different meaning.
"I wish I could go back to my REAL job"
"I would really love to see that person"
"I do wish reality would simply just revert to the way it...
handwritten on June 30, 2020
I've been shielded from the worries of cancer in a way.
My mom in my opinion has done most of the work. And my dad.
Always attending the chemo sessions, gritting teeth while in the waiting room.
Watching the drawn faces of people passing by receiving goods news or not so good news.
I can't quite imagine how many sleepless nights my dad has had leading up to the appointments.
It's like equating every journey to the hospital as a new feather. You grow your wings in the process of going through it. And then when it is all said and done, and you are blessed enough to be deemed free of the old feathers, you start growing new ones.
People assume that those feathers leave and they don't. The...
