It has been quite some time since my last student teaching placement. Actually, it has been precisely 2 months. I must say that my middle school placement was by far one of the most challenging placements I have yet to experience. I was a push-in inclusion teacher. Thus, I was forced to work with a variety of teachers and personalities, which was admittingly challenging. However, I think what was more challenging was actually experiencing or having the opportunity to teach and work with middle school students. Middle School students are much different than elementary students. Elementary students (for the most part) want to be loved. They are innocent, they are endearing and they are malleable. 

Middle schoolers are, I think exceptionally wise but innocent, exceptionally stubborn but malleable, exceptionally humorous but also serious. Do you detect all of the paradoxes? Middle school is a paradox. Students want the freedom to make their own decisions, but at the same time they yearn for attention and guidance. The middle schoolers I worked with had experienced more than I will ever experience in my lifetime. They had experienced hardship, sorrow, success but also much failure. 

My mentor teacher, who was just an exceptional person truly gave me a book that I will most likely take with me wherever I end up in my teaching career. The book is entitled: Penguins Hate Stuff. At first look, I was confused by the cover. What does leaving my middle-school placement have anything to do with penguins? However, it was on the last page that the book began to make sense. The premise of the book is a bunch of things that penguins hate. They hate monkeys, sleds, roller-skates and other such activities/animals. Yet, on the last page the book ends with: "Penguins really really really hate....goodbyes. I choked up at the end. This, was exactly what I had been trying to articulate during the entirety of my placement. How do you like your placement people would ask? "It's hard to say..." I would always end with. 

Middle schoolers claim that they don't like you. On some days, they will tell you that you smell, or your clothes don't match or even that you have no sense of humor. They will tell you that they hate your assignments, your laugh or even your smile. They will tell you that...despite how much effort you put into the lesson, they absolutely hate you as a teacher. But then, one moment comes where they stop and they show their true colors. 

On my last day of student teaching, my social studies class threw me a breakfast party. I was speechless by the generosity they showed me and their love and their smiles. One of my students, (particularly difficult) asked me when I would be graduating...I told her the date. She looked at me with a serious face and said, "Will your mom be at your graduation?" I said, "Absolutely..." She smiled and looked away. I choked back tears as I realized just how simple that question was but at the same time what it all meant. She was serious. She was a girl (like all of my students) living in poverty, with turmoil in her neighborhood and she wanted to know if my mom would attend my own graduation. I lost it. 

If there is anything these students taught me it is that...life is unfair. Life is sometimes awful. Sometimes you are forced to grow up in middle school and take care of your brothers and sisters. Sometimes, your dad ends up in jail. Sometimes, you find yourself at over 12 schools because your mother cannot find a job. 

Sometimes...it is these students that teach us the most about ourselves, about life, about what we truly want to do with our careers. I have applied to many schools, some suburban, some urban. However, I know where my heart is. 

I vow to get myself there.